he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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