Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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