Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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