On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
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she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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