At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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