So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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