I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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