my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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