I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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