If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
try to milk me bitch
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