Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
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I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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