Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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