Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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