you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize