I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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