I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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