i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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