I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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