I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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