Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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