So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When did angry sex become our thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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