yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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