Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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