hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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