i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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