we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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