looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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