My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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