I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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