ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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