Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize