Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize