Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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