I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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