I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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