If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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