I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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