bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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