woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
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I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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