I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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