i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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