I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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