we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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