just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize