If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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