two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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