finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize