what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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