I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
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So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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