You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize